ELEMENTS OF STYLE: VI

PART: VI

Imani Smith

3.24.2020

Hello and thanks again for joining me for another installment of Elements of Style. This series has given me the opportunity to demystify concepts that I feel are very clear to some and are completely foreign to others. In past installments of EOS I’ve discussed several correlations between mental health and our style choices, as well as tips on fit, and shopping in general. I’m a firm believer in the notion that our clothing is limitless, however we are the ones with the limits. Clothing has no gender, no connotations or rules unless those concepts are enforced by the wearer. Literally anything is possible. When the wearer has tons of limits, it may appear that the clothes are ‘wearing them’. That’s where the true power of confidence shows itself. 

If you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, it would be laughable to assume that you would ever find true comfort in any clothing. It has been famously quoted by the late Bill Cuningham that “fashion is the armor to survive everyday life” but when the battle is within, the armor loses its strength. Sure, amazing clothes can make your body seem more tolerable, but they will have to come off eventually. As I stated in EOS V.III “I want my clients to make sure that they see the value in what’s underneath their clothes.” As a woman who has struggled with my body image for most of my life, I understand that finding that value can be quite the task. Nevertheless, it is more than worth the struggle. 

In my personal experiences with building my self-esteem from scratch, I found it helpful to evaluate and renegotiate the relationship I had with my body. I started to pay attention to the things that I was doing that were having a negative impact on the way I saw myself. Listening to the words that you say to yourself as you spend time with your nude reflection will help you to decode your true feelings about your body. Is the language that you use with yourself loving or more hateful? Are you hyper focused on your ‘flaws’? Are you resentful of a recent change in the shapes or sizes of certain parts of your body? Are you thankful for the features that make you unique? If someone else said the thing that you said about your body, how would you feel?

I remember being young and watching a female celebrity, I can’t recall who, being interviewed and she discussed a low point in her life including the difficult time that she was having with her body image, specifically. At some point she mentioned getting out of the shower and refusing to look in the mirror on the way out. That struck a chord with me and I never forgot how sad it made me. How could a grown woman run from her own reflection? A short time later, I noticed that I was no different than she was. I only saw a flesh toned blur as I dried and dressed myself, no details.  When it was time for me to embark on my own journey of self-love, I remembered her confession, and I vowed from then on to always stare a little longer at my reflection. 

Embracing nudity, literally studying your everchanging physical form as often as possible is the simplest way to align your mind with your body. How do you truly know who you are if you don’t even know what you look like? Weight gain, weight loss, aging, pregnancy, injury or surgery can alter the appearance of your body. Sometimes it takes our minds a little longer to catch up with what meets our eyes in the mirror. Taking that time to constantly reacquaint ourselves with ourselves is an important step in staying grounded in reality. 

It’s easy to get lost in an unrealistic space. I mean getting lost in a sea of comparisons of your body to a celebrity’s, unkind comments from family, backhanded compliments from ‘frienimies’ or even unchecked traumas from your childhood. So many people are trapped in that space and can’t find a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard to live a fulfilling life while you’re trapped under the weight of the opinions of others. 

Forming your own ideas about your body without the contamination of societal ideals and muting the commentary of others is how to build strength. This process can feel like sorting your laundry before a big wash. Which opinions are ‘lights’. Your own personal thoughts, the things you actually love about your body?  Which opinions are ‘mediums’, Things you’ve heard other people say about your body that you have adopted as your personal truths, negative or positive? Which opinions are ‘darks’, those outside, unspoken rules that have influenced you to evaluate your body, the voice of a critical elder when you were younger? Sort these ideas and keep only what truly belongs to you. I would advise holding on to the opinions that are empowering enough to get you through the uphill battle that is the human experience. Rewrite your internal monologue.

You may not be working with a wardrobe stylist or a mental health professional at this time, but one thing is for certain: Your self-worth will constantly be tested, whether it be by a job, a partner, or a pair of pants that are just a little too small. Without a strong foundation, anything can knock you down. Once you have itemized and calculated your self-worth, you’re not going to accept anyone haggling with you for discounts. If you take anything away from this installment of Elements of Style, let it be that great style comes from within, and there’s no way around that.